On the 30th of August 2008 I prayed and asked God for a little baby, then God gave me Jodie....
My Face may be different, but my feelings the same I laugh and I cry, and I take pride in my gains I was sent here among you, to teach you to love As God in the heavens, looks down from above To Him I am no different, His love know no bounds Its those here among you, in cities and towns That judge me by standards that man has imparted But this family I have chosen will help me get started For I'm one of the children, so special and few That came here to learn the same lessons as you That love is acceptance it must come from the heart We all have the same purpose, though not the same start The Lord gave me life, to live and embrace And I'll do it as you do but at my own pace
If there was an award for insanity, I think I would probably win first prize... Yes, Jodie is ill again. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me, I get these days once a month where I just go totaly insane. Jodie has been coughing again, and with coughing comes vomiting and fever. I never take her out of the house because of fear that she'll get ill. Sitting at home with no television, no internet, just me and little Jodie, which I suppose is not a bad thing because we get to do her neuro and speech exercises ALL DAY LONG. She is now at the stage where she starts laughing at me when I start the speech exercises. It is so frustrating when one sit for hours, like a parrot, repeating words and sounds with no response in return. We did the "normal" yesterday and then I started thinking of her future (which is a definate NO-NO). With our usual starting spells at her best friend - the ceiling fan - I started to panick. The walls closed in on me, I started hyperventilating and ended up vomiting in the bathroom. How is it possible to feel so sick? I was pondering about her health, our finances, her growth, her speech and once again her broncho-neumonia. It's absolutely driving me insane not to be able to shower (which ends up in a 10 second scrub down), not to clean the house, not to do the laundry and not to spend time with my son and hubby. I feel as if I have a newborn baby and look it too. Then when my really hectic day of doing nothing but taking care of Jodie ends, and I get into bed at 10pm totally exhausted... my jimmy legs syndrome starts :-)
I am so gratefull.. Jodie is doing really well she gained another 250grams in the last week although she is not growing in length nor head size. I am really thankfull that she is gaining weight and I have to say she is now drinking a liter of milk per day. Since the tube has been removed she has been doing great, I am almost 100% certain her reflux is gone. There is no more coughing and wheezing and shortness of breath, removing the tube was the right thing to do... God has been so good for our family. I have to admit I am a little anxious because Jodie's speech is not really there yet. She makes noises but with no syllables such as da,ba etc, I am sure it will happen. I exercise with her 2 hours per day and have made recordings which I play over and over again, I am just a little bit frustrated because I am not able to see any improvement.
Thank you Lord for storms, thank You that I can know that when a storm comes my way I know You haven't left me, but that You are right here beside me to see me make it through. Thank You for preparing me with each storm so that I can overcome the bigger ones that lies ahead, because through these You are my teacher. You are my gentle Giant and I thank You for catching every tear and returning them with streams of joy!
On saturday my son, Devon decided we should play "husband, wife and baby". He grabbed Barney and renamed him to Brian Habana (his favourite rugby player). All dressed up in his pink babygrow and pink hat, he fed him his bottle and I even had to re-heat an empty bottle. After a while he asked for a syringe to feed "Brian" through his gtube. It is absolutely amazing how the last six months have impacted on little Devon. Jodie of course squealed with delight as her brother walked around with her barney on his back. At last Devon can now play with his sister and start to bond.